Got this recipe from the Fender Discussion Page‘s now defunct cookbook. Since a guitar-purchasing-enthusiast’s site is probably not a good appeal to authority, know that the author, a Mr. “ISL”, is a professional brewer and baker. I think. Whatever. I’m writing this from memory, so I’m not sure he’d want credit.

This is not a thing to make if you mind getting your hands covered in flour/paste/glue.

Consumables:
-4 cups of flour (3 for making the dough, 1 for making a mess)
-2 tbsp olive oil (plus some extra)
-2 tea spoons yeast
-1 tea spoon sugar
-tiny amount of salt (recipe calls for 0.5 tea spoons, I use ~0.125)
-10 fl. oz of hot tap water

corn meal or parchment paper

Tools:
-Pizza stone (~$20)
-Liquid measuring cup
-Measuring cups and spoons
-Mixing bowl
-Rolling-pin or equivalent (e.g. wine bottle or sex toy)
-Butter knife
-Pizza peel (paddle) or equivalent (piece of cardboard works well, metal baking sheet does not)
-Oven
-Plastic wrap or moist tea towel

Optional:
– Whisk
– Mixer – a wonderful, wonderful thing, but absolutely not required
– Second mixing bowl

Note on measuring flour if you’ve never baked before: purportedly more pretentious (professional) bakers use a scale, but I just use a 1-cup measure and the back of a knife— fill the cup in the bag of flour to overflowing then knock it flat.

Step 1: Yeast

Read the instructions on your yeast. Some yeast is instant, some ain’t. Don’t do both of these things.

Not instant: put the hot tap water in the mixing cup followed by yeast and sugar. Give it a stir. Wait 10 minutes. Everything will be beige and bubbly. Put in mixing bowl with 1 cup of flour and salt. Whisk/hand mix together.

Instant: combine 1cup of flour, yeast, sugar, salt, hot tap water in mixing bowl and mix together until smooth. Let sit 5-10 minutes. Bubbles will form.

Step 2: Flour

Add the oil. Gradually stir in 1 cup of flour. Doing it quickly makes things harder on your arms if you don’t have an electric mixer, and either way is likely to cover you in flour (not that that’s not going to happen eventually).

Add in the last cup of flour. Slowly is your friend. That’s three cups of flour.

Step 3: Kneed!

The mother-like person in my life that taught me to bake said she liked to do this by hand and imagine she was mutilating the irritating people at work. In the interests of preserving her career and my relationship with her, I won’t confirm that this was actually my mother. Anyway.

Flour a sturdy work surface, like a table, countertop or a hardwood floor. Dump the dough out of the bowl, and work the dough with your hands, pushing it into the table and folding it over itself. Add flour to the table when it starts to stick. You’re supposed to stop when it feels like a baby’s bum, but my baby’s butt is decidedly not breadlike so can’t confirm.

Step 4: Rise up in revolt!

If you only have one mixing bowl, clean it. If you have two, clean it eventually. Either way, grease a clean mixing bowl with oil or butter.

Form the dough into a nice baby-bum shaped ball and run it around the greased bowl, then cover it in the bowl with plastic wrap or a water-moistened tea towel. Let it rise at room temperature for a while. 4-8-12 hours. If you’re in a rush, put it in the oven with the light on. Punch the ball if it gets too big.

Step 5: Pizza time!

Put the pizza stone in oven, turn oven on to 450°F (screw you, useful metric system).

On the same or different floured surface, divide the ball into some number of equal smaller balls. For my pizza stones, I use four. Four ought to be enough to feed two people, so if you’re but one person, you can freeze the other balls (they’ll be a bit goopy when they thaw, but you can work them into shape and they bake just fine).

Take a smaller ball and start forming it into a pizza-shaped shape. You can use your hands or a rolling pin or some combination. Unless you’re better than me, it will be unlikely to be circular (and if you’re better than me, don’t brag about it). It should end up very, very, very thin. Think new Apple product.

Roll the edge up over itself. Poke the topping area with a fork a bunch of times (purportedly to prevent huge air bubbles forming when baking). Transfer dough to peel/paddle/cardboard that’s covered in cornmeal or parchment paper (do not use wax paper!).

Top pizza. Go easy on the toppings.

With much consideration, cursing and swearing, transfer pizza to pizza stone in oven. You can safely leave parchment paper under pizza. You may wish to pull the rack the stone is on out of the oven to avoid burning your forearms on the oven.

Cook for ~5 minutes. I think. Cheese should be bubbling, and it doesn’t take very long. If you’re vegan, use your superior judgement.